Peace to you all! From the inside out is what I'll title this. I know it's been a while, but geesh, I did not want to involve you in the drama that has become my life! Long story short.....I'm suffering from a broken heart. My emotions have been all over the place, and this healing process is harder then I ever could have anticipated. I guess this person I am trying to live without was someone pretty special. I mean I loved every part of thier being....unconditionally. And now I am in a state of uncertainty. I'm uncertain of myself and am second guessing every quality I ever thought I possessed and wondering if I just wasn't good enough. Hurts like hell is all I can say! Difficult to move on from, so I've decided that in order to get over this thing is to except it for what it is, and focus on me. Focus on all the changes I have wanted to make and just go for it. See, I figure, if I channel my energy into me, well, I'll end up being a better me and this uncertainty will go away. I fully intend to deal with my emotions in the process, but I have to use them as fuel or else they will consume me!
I figure, if I can change from the inside out....nothing or no one can make me feel this way again! The change on the inside has to do with my spirituality and my relationship with God. I'm not spiritually fit an so I need to work on that, immediately! I am also not physically fit. I'm down right fat, and I'm tired of it. So I choose to use the brain I was blessed with and put it to good use figuring out how to best make myself healthy and fit! I have about 45lbs I could stand to lose. So not only will I lose it, but I'm going to do my best to look my best! That means I have to make some lifestyle changes. I need to get obsessed with healthy eating and exercise! This means everyday I have to struggle with my flesh to make the right decision concerning my body.
I also need to grow. I am learning that my mouth gets me in trouble, so I am practicing being quiet. I want to speak when I shouldn't. I get angry and I want to use my words to hurt. Well I am learning that there is way too much power in the tongue and I need to know when to be quiet. Quietness is also what is going to help me through this healing period. I have my diary to express my feelings in, no need to say them at this point in time. I'm not ready to verbalize my feelings. I need to first learn how to be quiet through this time of emotional turmoil. So far, my speaking to how I feel has pushed this person further away. Truth is, they pushed me away a long time ago, but now I am not helping the situation. If this person wanted us to have a different relationship, they would do what is necessary for it to change for the better. They chose not to, so there is nothing left to say. I am struggling with that, but I have excepted it. I am learning to recognize that sometimes it's best to just be quiet and walk away! LORD HELP ME ON THIS LESSON!!
And those are just some of my thoughts......
AdVintage Star
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Star Ideas-Mind, Body (Hair!), and Soul
Peace to you all! How has your lives been?? I haven't posted anything in a while, but I have been going through such a trying time. I am sorry to report that times are still trying, I'm just much more at peace with it! So you've seen the title of my post so you probably think I'm going to bore you by getting all deep, but it will be exactly the opposite! I have thought so much about my mind, body, hair, and soul over the past couple of months that if I began to touch on the abyss of emotions and thoughts involved, I would surely drown you in waves of confusion, and pools of irrationality. It's true, I tell you, and if you have ever experienced such a thing, you know exactly what I am speaking of! Alright, enough of being off subject, lets get back to the matter at hand......I will begin oddly enough with my hair!
HAIR- So I picked my hair to begin with because I enjoy it the most! So as I continue on this journey of self discovery, my hair often plays a factor in illustrating to the world how I am feeling. Well, I can honestly say that as of late, I have been overcome with a rather nauseous sense of maturity. I know right (realizing you are maturing can cause you to become sick to your stomach.....it almost feels like you are becoming your mother). Since my hair is definitely my blank canvas, I have changed it once again. I have colored it a fun, yet serious, shade of red and have begun to let it grow. The shade of color is to signify that, yes, I still like to laugh, have fun, and engage in those activities that let you know I have never been who you thought I was : ). The tone is to show that, even though I am still me, there comes a time and place where we must be the adults we are. The length comes into play to show the level of commitment, responsibility, and maturity I have reached. It also shows the developing of discipline. Because anyone who fights with their hair constantly, knows that hair cuts in playful, and attractive shapes and lengths, are an easy way out of dealing with your hair for what it is! You can just recreate the hair to be what you want it to be at the time when it is getting on your nerves, becoming to much to wash and detangle, going through awkward phases, and the like. But to let it grow means that you have come to terms with it and are willing to do what is necessary for it be healthy and retain it's length. This takes work, time, and patience, all the things it takes to truly grow into yourself and be who you really are!
Mind, Body, Soul- These three have been grouped into the same category because they all affect each other, respectively. I actually think that your mind and soul kind of compliment each other, and then the body has no choice but to follow suit. So since this is all about my maturity that I have newly found, I thought it only fitting to incorporate these three. After all, I do believe that they give the greatest displays of our maturity. I can honestly say that my soul makes a move first, and then my mind compliments that move so perfectly! It's rather beautiful actually. It has come to my attention that my soul has mature greatly because my mind has went on a think-a-thon. I hate when this happens, because it takes a while for my mind to process and incorporate the changes my soul has made. But once that process is complete, it's like magic. And as of late, my soul has taken on a since of peace and understanding for the trials and struggles I have been going through the last couple of years. So, it should come to no surprise that my mind is just now catching up and is beginning to make the decisions necessary to form a path that my soul can walk on. Now, my body, she challenges my mind to such a degree that I think the mind gives up on us sometimes. But my soul has hammered her gavel again and let the mind know that it is weak and allows the body to manipulate her at every time. The soul has also let my mind know that this weakness and lack of discipline is where we fall short, and that she has recognized this. The mind must now strengthen and tell the body no. The body knows what is necessary to change but manipulates the mind so that it can give into it's desires. Well, since maturity has settled in, discipline has surely followed. I have finally come to terms with all that is wrong in my life and the decisions that have been made to land me here. And the bottom line to it all seems to be that I lacked the discipline necessary to move things in different directions. In order to be successful at being mature, I have to learn to discipline myself, especially in those situations that can easily make you forget your age and what you have been through just for a taste pure ignorance! All I'm trying to say is that when we look in that magic mirror and finally see ourselves for who we really are, we have to take the initiative to indulge in our mind, body, and souls to find what is wrong and how we can make it better. I am also saying that once you have made that internal change, it will come out physically. If we are going to play the part, we must become the part, while being careful not to lose ourselves in the process.
And those are just some of my thoughts...............
AdVintage Star
HAIR- So I picked my hair to begin with because I enjoy it the most! So as I continue on this journey of self discovery, my hair often plays a factor in illustrating to the world how I am feeling. Well, I can honestly say that as of late, I have been overcome with a rather nauseous sense of maturity. I know right (realizing you are maturing can cause you to become sick to your stomach.....it almost feels like you are becoming your mother). Since my hair is definitely my blank canvas, I have changed it once again. I have colored it a fun, yet serious, shade of red and have begun to let it grow. The shade of color is to signify that, yes, I still like to laugh, have fun, and engage in those activities that let you know I have never been who you thought I was : ). The tone is to show that, even though I am still me, there comes a time and place where we must be the adults we are. The length comes into play to show the level of commitment, responsibility, and maturity I have reached. It also shows the developing of discipline. Because anyone who fights with their hair constantly, knows that hair cuts in playful, and attractive shapes and lengths, are an easy way out of dealing with your hair for what it is! You can just recreate the hair to be what you want it to be at the time when it is getting on your nerves, becoming to much to wash and detangle, going through awkward phases, and the like. But to let it grow means that you have come to terms with it and are willing to do what is necessary for it be healthy and retain it's length. This takes work, time, and patience, all the things it takes to truly grow into yourself and be who you really are!
Mind, Body, Soul- These three have been grouped into the same category because they all affect each other, respectively. I actually think that your mind and soul kind of compliment each other, and then the body has no choice but to follow suit. So since this is all about my maturity that I have newly found, I thought it only fitting to incorporate these three. After all, I do believe that they give the greatest displays of our maturity. I can honestly say that my soul makes a move first, and then my mind compliments that move so perfectly! It's rather beautiful actually. It has come to my attention that my soul has mature greatly because my mind has went on a think-a-thon. I hate when this happens, because it takes a while for my mind to process and incorporate the changes my soul has made. But once that process is complete, it's like magic. And as of late, my soul has taken on a since of peace and understanding for the trials and struggles I have been going through the last couple of years. So, it should come to no surprise that my mind is just now catching up and is beginning to make the decisions necessary to form a path that my soul can walk on. Now, my body, she challenges my mind to such a degree that I think the mind gives up on us sometimes. But my soul has hammered her gavel again and let the mind know that it is weak and allows the body to manipulate her at every time. The soul has also let my mind know that this weakness and lack of discipline is where we fall short, and that she has recognized this. The mind must now strengthen and tell the body no. The body knows what is necessary to change but manipulates the mind so that it can give into it's desires. Well, since maturity has settled in, discipline has surely followed. I have finally come to terms with all that is wrong in my life and the decisions that have been made to land me here. And the bottom line to it all seems to be that I lacked the discipline necessary to move things in different directions. In order to be successful at being mature, I have to learn to discipline myself, especially in those situations that can easily make you forget your age and what you have been through just for a taste pure ignorance! All I'm trying to say is that when we look in that magic mirror and finally see ourselves for who we really are, we have to take the initiative to indulge in our mind, body, and souls to find what is wrong and how we can make it better. I am also saying that once you have made that internal change, it will come out physically. If we are going to play the part, we must become the part, while being careful not to lose ourselves in the process.
And those are just some of my thoughts...............
AdVintage Star
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Star Ideas-Do you really get what you give?
Peace to you all! Today, I am not feeling my positive self. Loneliness has set in and is causing me great pain. However, I will survive. I'm at that point in my life where I want nothing more but to be married and have a family. I want someone to come home to everyday. I want someone to be mad at and then work it out later. i I want someone I can share my secrets, insecurities, and funny stories with! Do you ever feel like when you want something so bad, it tends to not ever come to pass. Well that is where I am. I have not had many long term relationships and I have not truly loved many people, but the one's I have, I often wonder: what for? It didn't work out and I'm back at square one. Ladies, sometimes we give so much of ourselves because we think that it will pay off in the end and that our love and dedication will be reciprocated. I have been nothing but WRONG about that!! I swear, some days I just want to give up on it all. Sade says it best in her "Soldier of Love" son....."I've lost the beat of my heart, but I'm still alive". That's how I feel. I don't want to be that bitter chick who hates on every one's man and their relationship, but I'm going to put it out there: I'm jealous as hell!
This past weekend, I spent at one of my friends house and then we went over her cousins house. Each of them are married with two kids, living in their houses, and being a family. Are they happy? I have no idea. But I know I want what they have, but I'll build my own relationship, thank you. I have another friend who has a man who would go to the end of the earth for her. He's a good provider, protective, takes care of his family, and puts this chick on a pedestal, and she doesn't even want him! Are you kidding me? I would be on cloud nine if someone felt that way about me! But no, I'm the lonely one. I wake up and go to sleep every night all by myself. It sucks, but it's reality. I have decided that if I just push these feelings to the side for a moment, I will be okay, that is until someone calls me complaining about their HUSBAND!! I swear, I think these girls can be insensitive to my situation. I would love to have a fight with a husband at this point. I know people say that marriage isn't all it's cracked up to be, but if I find someone else looking for the love and commitment like I am, instead of the image, then I'm willing to try it out for myself. Until that time, I guess I will continue to be hopeful, but try to be okay with where I am. I'm tired of giving so much of myself only to end up alone. Maybe I give too much. I don't know. What I do know is that whoever said you get what you give is a damn lie, and I'm here to expose them!
And those are just some of my thoughts........
AdVintage Star
This past weekend, I spent at one of my friends house and then we went over her cousins house. Each of them are married with two kids, living in their houses, and being a family. Are they happy? I have no idea. But I know I want what they have, but I'll build my own relationship, thank you. I have another friend who has a man who would go to the end of the earth for her. He's a good provider, protective, takes care of his family, and puts this chick on a pedestal, and she doesn't even want him! Are you kidding me? I would be on cloud nine if someone felt that way about me! But no, I'm the lonely one. I wake up and go to sleep every night all by myself. It sucks, but it's reality. I have decided that if I just push these feelings to the side for a moment, I will be okay, that is until someone calls me complaining about their HUSBAND!! I swear, I think these girls can be insensitive to my situation. I would love to have a fight with a husband at this point. I know people say that marriage isn't all it's cracked up to be, but if I find someone else looking for the love and commitment like I am, instead of the image, then I'm willing to try it out for myself. Until that time, I guess I will continue to be hopeful, but try to be okay with where I am. I'm tired of giving so much of myself only to end up alone. Maybe I give too much. I don't know. What I do know is that whoever said you get what you give is a damn lie, and I'm here to expose them!
And those are just some of my thoughts........
AdVintage Star
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Star Ideas-Closet Dreams
Peace to you all! What an unpredictable day we are having here.....weather wise I mean! The sun has come back out, so I would like to get out and enjoy it, however, my child is not thrilled about going outside. Too bad though, I'm going to make this post quick and drag him out against his will!!!! Anyway, I was browsing the web and came across a blog called Flawless Mistake. AWESOME BLOG!! It totally reminded me how much I love clothes and shoes! The problem is my closet is dead.....literally. There is nothing in there that excites me or makes my heart flutter. This has got to change. I mean come on!!! I'm 30 years old, my closet should not be so drab :( So I decided that I am going to collect pieces to build the closet of my dreams! You know, the closet where you have so many mismatched pieces that you could spend hours putting a look together. I mean, the closet that has accessories galore and a shoe game that's psychotic!!! When it comes to shoes, I do not discriminate in the least....I LOVE ALL SHOES!!! Tennis shoes, heels, sandals, basketball shoes, throwback shoes, wedges, flats........I gots to have them all! I mean, this blog of mine is all about my self discovery and I am ready to show the world just who I really am. I'm the girl where when I go shopping with my friends, they never understand the pieces that I like or why.....but then I put it on and they go, "Wow, I never would have thought to pick that up!" For that very reason is why I like to shop alone.....but that's neither here nor there. So I got off subject for a minute, forgive me!
Back to the subject at hand.....my dream closet! You could not imagine the ideas I have running through my head when it comes to clothes and shoes and putting it all together. I find myself lately browsing through the fashion magazines, surfing sites like Delia's, Urban Outfitters, Free People, and the like. And if I could remember my password, I would be surfing Guilt Group on the regular too! Recently, I had an interview with Ann Taylor for a part time position, and let me tell you, if I get this job it will be the beginning of a sickness! But I'm just going with the flow and hoping for the best! If I get it, great, if not then oh, well. I am just hopeful that it will happen and open up an opportunity for me to get into the fashion game and from there, who knows!
Ah, self discovery, I'm loving it. It feels good to redefine who you are and fall back in love with the things that make you who you are! You gotta love being you, because I swear I am beginning to love loving me!!! Oh, and I swear yall, when I buy me a new digital camera, this blog will get a bit more interesting. Until then, bare with me!!!!
And those are just some of my thoughts......
AdVintage Star
Back to the subject at hand.....my dream closet! You could not imagine the ideas I have running through my head when it comes to clothes and shoes and putting it all together. I find myself lately browsing through the fashion magazines, surfing sites like Delia's, Urban Outfitters, Free People, and the like. And if I could remember my password, I would be surfing Guilt Group on the regular too! Recently, I had an interview with Ann Taylor for a part time position, and let me tell you, if I get this job it will be the beginning of a sickness! But I'm just going with the flow and hoping for the best! If I get it, great, if not then oh, well. I am just hopeful that it will happen and open up an opportunity for me to get into the fashion game and from there, who knows!
Ah, self discovery, I'm loving it. It feels good to redefine who you are and fall back in love with the things that make you who you are! You gotta love being you, because I swear I am beginning to love loving me!!! Oh, and I swear yall, when I buy me a new digital camera, this blog will get a bit more interesting. Until then, bare with me!!!!
And those are just some of my thoughts......
AdVintage Star
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Star Ideas-Short Hair, Don't Care!
Peace to you all! Alright folks, this is the story of how I went from having permed hair to a head full of thick, healthy, kinks, coils and curls! Man I LOVE my hair! Okay, so it all started with this relationship I was in with a man that shall remain nameless. I know, I know, how did my hair journey begin with a man?? Well it did, but it didn't. You know how the saying goes, everyone is brought into your life, for a season, a reason, or a lifetime. Well this man came in for a season and a reason I believe. Anyway, I was dating this man for a couple of years and we shacked up together and was pretending to build this solid relationship......you know how it goes. Anyway, about a year before we finally separated I woke up one day (I know yall are thinking like, "man, this chick always just woke up one day!"), but it's true! That's just how my brain works I guess. I told you I was random from the beginning, so bear with me! So like I was saying, I woke up one day and realized that this was not the life I was trying to live. Shacked up with some man that I'm not really all that into just because it's convenient. And honestly, that what the relationship was, convenient. You see, I was living in this apartment with my son and we were struggling and along comes Mr. Convenient who I was already dating and who had screwed up miserably.So he's like we should just move in together, we both can save some money and blah, blah, blah. So I was like, "okay", and we did. Talk about making mistakes!
Now fast forward to about 1.5 years into us moving in together and my spirit is saying, "boo, this is not for you! Are you really happy? Do you even love this man? Is this how you want to raise your son, shacked up with some man? The answer to all of those questions was, "HELL NAW!" This was not what I wanted for myself. I mean, I cared for the man and had some feelings for him, but they really weren't deep. I decided that I needed to make some moves and get gone! The first thing I did, was go back to church. Man, what an experience. I grew up in the church so religion is part of my core, but I had been absent for quite some time and my spirit had been speaking to me, but just like anyone else in denial, I ignored it. But when I started going back, I noticed that somebody had definitely cleaned my mirror! I could see that I had done all the wrong things for all the wrong reasons and I could see myself so much more clearly. After a few months of attending church consistently and understanding what my spirit was telling me, I decided that it was time for change........and the first thing I changed was my hair!
See, my hair was already short because I had whacked it as usual, and then I dyed it for the first time. That was the beginning of the end. My hair began breaking and shedding and I just didn't like it anymore. So I started doing some searches on-line and discovered Nappturality.com. Talk about a whole other world! That's what this site exposed me to, and I was loving every bit of it. So I read, read, and read some more. I researched everything I could about caring for natural hair, what products to use, how to retain length, etc. You name it, I was looking it up. the more I researched, the more I fell in love with the idea of changing up my hair! I mean, this wasn't just about changing my look, it was about embracing myself for who I truly am and loving me just as I am. So I waited about two months and did the BIG CHOP!!!! Dramatic I know, right! When it was all said and done, I had less than one inch of hair and I loved it!
Now having a head full of natural hair is quite the experience. Especially when you've learned over the years how to care for and style your permed hair. I mean, I had this thing down to an art! And here I go and cut off all my perm, now I have to learn my hair all over again. The first thing I learned was that my hair is not as coarse as I thought it was. I also learned that it frizzes on top but has nothing but coils underneath the frizz. The next thing I learned was that I had about 3 different textures of hair, now how the heck am I supposed to work with that! Trial and error, my dear, trial and error is the only way to make it through! Going natural was the best thing I ever did and I swear I am in love with my hair.
I bet your wondering how the man brought me to this point.....well, it was the experience of it all that brought me here. He was the starting point and although he only lasted a season, I believe his true reason was to show me that I was headed in the wrong direction and that it was time to choose a new path. The relationship brought me to a crossroads in my life and made me choose a new direction. The start of that new direction was becoming one with my spirit, and then making changes accordingly. The first change was my hair. The change in my hair exposed me to thoughts and ideas about life that I never considered before. Of course, after the hair, came the break up. About a year later, I packed my stuff, and I left. No guilt, no hurt, no hard feelings. Just freedom.
Some would say that I went natural because I was going through some life crisis, but the truth is, changing my hair was a symbol that I was changing. It represents me at my best: raw, fragile, growing, and learning. This is where I am at in my life. I'm learning a new way to live. I cut my hair and I let go of the past. I let go of the hurt and grief that I have spent so much time identifying with. I'm learning how to love and do it unconditionally without expecting something in return. I'm learning who I am all over again. I learning how to let go of the expectations and do what will make me truly happy. If I could find my soul mate, trade in the work clothes for comfortable, worn jeans and vintage tee's, have a houseful of kids, and write, I would be in bliss! All I need is my family, my jeans, good music, good food, love, and a place to enjoy it all! Simplicity and content. That's what I'm looking for. That's what my soul is searching for. I am self discovering, and like I said, that road is bumpy as hell, but I get it now, and I'm going to ride it out like a champ! I'm still growing and learning, but I'm becoming a better person, and I love it. I'm finding out what I truly need and desire. It don't get much better than that. So once I get comfortable in my journey, then will come the locs. To me, it represents commitment, simplicity, and content. That's the big idea, right?
And those are just some of my thoughts,
AdVintage Star
Now fast forward to about 1.5 years into us moving in together and my spirit is saying, "boo, this is not for you! Are you really happy? Do you even love this man? Is this how you want to raise your son, shacked up with some man? The answer to all of those questions was, "HELL NAW!" This was not what I wanted for myself. I mean, I cared for the man and had some feelings for him, but they really weren't deep. I decided that I needed to make some moves and get gone! The first thing I did, was go back to church. Man, what an experience. I grew up in the church so religion is part of my core, but I had been absent for quite some time and my spirit had been speaking to me, but just like anyone else in denial, I ignored it. But when I started going back, I noticed that somebody had definitely cleaned my mirror! I could see that I had done all the wrong things for all the wrong reasons and I could see myself so much more clearly. After a few months of attending church consistently and understanding what my spirit was telling me, I decided that it was time for change........and the first thing I changed was my hair!
See, my hair was already short because I had whacked it as usual, and then I dyed it for the first time. That was the beginning of the end. My hair began breaking and shedding and I just didn't like it anymore. So I started doing some searches on-line and discovered Nappturality.com. Talk about a whole other world! That's what this site exposed me to, and I was loving every bit of it. So I read, read, and read some more. I researched everything I could about caring for natural hair, what products to use, how to retain length, etc. You name it, I was looking it up. the more I researched, the more I fell in love with the idea of changing up my hair! I mean, this wasn't just about changing my look, it was about embracing myself for who I truly am and loving me just as I am. So I waited about two months and did the BIG CHOP!!!! Dramatic I know, right! When it was all said and done, I had less than one inch of hair and I loved it!
Now having a head full of natural hair is quite the experience. Especially when you've learned over the years how to care for and style your permed hair. I mean, I had this thing down to an art! And here I go and cut off all my perm, now I have to learn my hair all over again. The first thing I learned was that my hair is not as coarse as I thought it was. I also learned that it frizzes on top but has nothing but coils underneath the frizz. The next thing I learned was that I had about 3 different textures of hair, now how the heck am I supposed to work with that! Trial and error, my dear, trial and error is the only way to make it through! Going natural was the best thing I ever did and I swear I am in love with my hair.
I bet your wondering how the man brought me to this point.....well, it was the experience of it all that brought me here. He was the starting point and although he only lasted a season, I believe his true reason was to show me that I was headed in the wrong direction and that it was time to choose a new path. The relationship brought me to a crossroads in my life and made me choose a new direction. The start of that new direction was becoming one with my spirit, and then making changes accordingly. The first change was my hair. The change in my hair exposed me to thoughts and ideas about life that I never considered before. Of course, after the hair, came the break up. About a year later, I packed my stuff, and I left. No guilt, no hurt, no hard feelings. Just freedom.
Some would say that I went natural because I was going through some life crisis, but the truth is, changing my hair was a symbol that I was changing. It represents me at my best: raw, fragile, growing, and learning. This is where I am at in my life. I'm learning a new way to live. I cut my hair and I let go of the past. I let go of the hurt and grief that I have spent so much time identifying with. I'm learning how to love and do it unconditionally without expecting something in return. I'm learning who I am all over again. I learning how to let go of the expectations and do what will make me truly happy. If I could find my soul mate, trade in the work clothes for comfortable, worn jeans and vintage tee's, have a houseful of kids, and write, I would be in bliss! All I need is my family, my jeans, good music, good food, love, and a place to enjoy it all! Simplicity and content. That's what I'm looking for. That's what my soul is searching for. I am self discovering, and like I said, that road is bumpy as hell, but I get it now, and I'm going to ride it out like a champ! I'm still growing and learning, but I'm becoming a better person, and I love it. I'm finding out what I truly need and desire. It don't get much better than that. So once I get comfortable in my journey, then will come the locs. To me, it represents commitment, simplicity, and content. That's the big idea, right?
And those are just some of my thoughts,
AdVintage Star
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Star Ideas-The Beginning
Peace to you all! It's me, AdVintage Star and I am just dropping everyone a line to introduce myself to the world! Star Ideas is my new blog which really is just about me and the insane growing pains I have been going thru lately. I will be 31 yrs old this year and it really just hit me about 3 months ago that I am really in my 30's and that I have been playing long enough. Actually at this point, I have been playing a little too long. I have reached a point in my life where the games are over and it's time grow up. So yeah, back to being 31! What a drag! I mean I love it because I am entering into a new journey, but it's like an official announcement that YOU ARE GROWN!!!! It's time to start being much more responsible and doing all of the things that grown folks do! Okay.....I don't know if that's exactly what's supposed to happen at this age or if I am just slow to develop, but whatever it is, that's what this stage of my life is about. I'm "Finding Myself", I guess you could say. My goals have changed, my wants and desires, have changed, my hair has changed, and my body is definitely changing! I see the world for what it is now and am ready to make my mark in it!
I'm sure you're thinking: "This chick is sooooo random!" Truth is, I am pretty random. But I swear I woke up one day and was like: this is not it. Something had to give. So I began to really pray and meditate on it and I still don't quite have an answer, but I am closer still. I am developing in stages. First it was my hair......which will be my next post cause that was a journey all in itself! Right before I turned 28, I decided that I needed to change. I looked around and didn't like what I saw. I didn't like that I had been caught up in the materialistic bull$%*! that people call their lives. You know, measuring what you have with success...it made absolutely no since to me. Here I was, working hard to obtain some image that meant absolutely nothing to me. I mean, as far as fashion and hair goes, I always kinda walked to the beat of my own drum, but I was still trying to conform and be like everyone else....if that makes any sense. Well, I just got sick of it all and decided one day that I was going to cut my hair off. I waited about a month to get a fair amount of new growth going and then I went to see my sister at the beauty school and asked her to get the clippers and cut it off. She fussed at me and asked me what I was going through, and I politely stated, "nothing," and asked her to cut it. She did and that was the beginning. My natural hair allowed me exposure to a whole other world! I was intrigued to say the least. So I began to research information about natural hair and how to care for it and so on and so forth and as I learned, I began to live a different life.
So, once the hair was natural and I was learning about natural products and better ingredients for my hair, I noticed that I was bored with more than just my hair and began getting myself prepared to walk a new path. I knew that my mind set had to change. I needed to start looking at my life for what it is instead of what illusion I thought it should be. I began to notice that I don't need all the material things that I thought I needed. I realized that I had my health, family, my right mind, a job, an education, good friends.........what more could I ask for. Those few things I mentioned, some people spend a lifetime trying to find, and here it was sitting my lap the whole time. I have all that I need and I knew from that realization on that everything else would fall into place. I just needed to follow my spirit and my heart and life would unfold for me the way God intended it to.
Discovery is a journey many are scared to initiate. I, however, believe that in order for me to truely have happiness, I need to be discover who I am and what I want and be intuned with my spirit. I will only be satisfied if I am living a life that is true to who I am. My problem is, my journey of discovery has just began, and let me tell you, because it is the road less traveled, it is bumpy as hell!!!
And those are just some of my thoughts.........
AdVintage Star!
I'm sure you're thinking: "This chick is sooooo random!" Truth is, I am pretty random. But I swear I woke up one day and was like: this is not it. Something had to give. So I began to really pray and meditate on it and I still don't quite have an answer, but I am closer still. I am developing in stages. First it was my hair......which will be my next post cause that was a journey all in itself! Right before I turned 28, I decided that I needed to change. I looked around and didn't like what I saw. I didn't like that I had been caught up in the materialistic bull$%*! that people call their lives. You know, measuring what you have with success...it made absolutely no since to me. Here I was, working hard to obtain some image that meant absolutely nothing to me. I mean, as far as fashion and hair goes, I always kinda walked to the beat of my own drum, but I was still trying to conform and be like everyone else....if that makes any sense. Well, I just got sick of it all and decided one day that I was going to cut my hair off. I waited about a month to get a fair amount of new growth going and then I went to see my sister at the beauty school and asked her to get the clippers and cut it off. She fussed at me and asked me what I was going through, and I politely stated, "nothing," and asked her to cut it. She did and that was the beginning. My natural hair allowed me exposure to a whole other world! I was intrigued to say the least. So I began to research information about natural hair and how to care for it and so on and so forth and as I learned, I began to live a different life.
So, once the hair was natural and I was learning about natural products and better ingredients for my hair, I noticed that I was bored with more than just my hair and began getting myself prepared to walk a new path. I knew that my mind set had to change. I needed to start looking at my life for what it is instead of what illusion I thought it should be. I began to notice that I don't need all the material things that I thought I needed. I realized that I had my health, family, my right mind, a job, an education, good friends.........what more could I ask for. Those few things I mentioned, some people spend a lifetime trying to find, and here it was sitting my lap the whole time. I have all that I need and I knew from that realization on that everything else would fall into place. I just needed to follow my spirit and my heart and life would unfold for me the way God intended it to.
Discovery is a journey many are scared to initiate. I, however, believe that in order for me to truely have happiness, I need to be discover who I am and what I want and be intuned with my spirit. I will only be satisfied if I am living a life that is true to who I am. My problem is, my journey of discovery has just began, and let me tell you, because it is the road less traveled, it is bumpy as hell!!!
And those are just some of my thoughts.........
AdVintage Star!
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