Star Ideas-Do you really get what you give?

Peace to you all! Today, I am not feeling my positive self. Loneliness has set in and is causing me great pain. However, I will survive.  I'm at that point in my life where I want nothing more but to be married and have a family. I want someone to come home to everyday. I want someone to be mad at and then work it out later. i I want someone I can share my secrets, insecurities, and funny stories with! Do you ever feel like when you want something so bad, it tends to not ever come to pass. Well that is where I am. I have not had many long term relationships and I have not truly loved many people, but the one's I have, I often wonder: what for? It didn't work out and I'm back at square one. Ladies, sometimes we give so much of ourselves because we think that it will pay off in the end and that our love and dedication will be reciprocated. I have been nothing but WRONG about that!! I swear, some days I just want to give up on it all. Sade says it best in her "Soldier of Love" son....."I've lost the beat of my heart, but I'm still alive". That's how I feel. I don't want to be that bitter chick who hates on every one's man and their relationship, but I'm going to put it out there: I'm jealous as hell!
This past weekend, I spent at one of my friends house and then we went over her cousins house. Each of them are married with two kids, living in their houses, and being a family. Are they happy? I have no idea. But I know I want what they have, but I'll build my own relationship, thank you. I  have another friend who has a man who would go to the end of the earth for her. He's a good provider, protective, takes care of his family, and puts this chick on a pedestal, and she doesn't even want him! Are you kidding me? I would be on cloud nine if someone felt that way about me! But no, I'm the lonely one. I wake up and go to sleep every night all by myself. It sucks, but it's reality. I have decided that if I just push these feelings to the side for a moment, I will be okay, that is until someone calls me complaining about their HUSBAND!! I swear, I think these girls can be insensitive to my situation. I would love to have a fight with a husband at this point. I know people say that marriage isn't all it's cracked up to be, but if I find someone else looking for the love and commitment like I am, instead of the image, then I'm willing to try it out for myself. Until that time, I guess I will continue to be hopeful, but  try to be okay with where I am. I'm tired of giving so much of myself only to end up alone. Maybe I give too much. I don't know. What I do know is that whoever said you get what you give is a damn lie, and I'm here to expose them!



And those are just some of my thoughts........

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