Peace to you all! Alright folks, this is the story of how I went from having permed hair to a head full of thick, healthy, kinks, coils and curls! Man I LOVE my hair! Okay, so it all started with this relationship I was in with a man that shall remain nameless. I know, I know, how did my hair journey begin with a man?? Well it did, but it didn't. You know how the saying goes, everyone is brought into your life, for a season, a reason, or a lifetime. Well this man came in for a season and a reason I believe. Anyway, I was dating this man for a couple of years and we shacked up together and was pretending to build this solid relationship......you know how it goes. Anyway, about a year before we finally separated I woke up one day (I know yall are thinking like, "man, this chick always just woke up one day!"), but it's true! That's just how my brain works I guess. I told you I was random from the beginning, so bear with me! So like I was saying, I woke up one day and realized that this was not the life I was trying to live. Shacked up with some man that I'm not really all that into just because it's convenient. And honestly, that what the relationship was, convenient. You see, I was living in this apartment with my son and we were struggling and along comes Mr. Convenient who I was already dating and who had screwed up miserably.So he's like we should just move in together, we both can save some money and blah, blah, blah. So I was like, "okay", and we did. Talk about making mistakes!
Now fast forward to about 1.5 years into us moving in together and my spirit is saying, "boo, this is not for you! Are you really happy? Do you even love this man? Is this how you want to raise your son, shacked up with some man? The answer to all of those questions was, "HELL NAW!" This was not what I wanted for myself. I mean, I cared for the man and had some feelings for him, but they really weren't deep. I decided that I needed to make some moves and get gone! The first thing I did, was go back to church. Man, what an experience. I grew up in the church so religion is part of my core, but I had been absent for quite some time and my spirit had been speaking to me, but just like anyone else in denial, I ignored it. But when I started going back, I noticed that somebody had definitely cleaned my mirror! I could see that I had done all the wrong things for all the wrong reasons and I could see myself so much more clearly. After a few months of attending church consistently and understanding what my spirit was telling me, I decided that it was time for change........and the first thing I changed was my hair!
See, my hair was already short because I had whacked it as usual, and then I dyed it for the first time. That was the beginning of the end. My hair began breaking and shedding and I just didn't like it anymore. So I started doing some searches on-line and discovered Nappturality.com. Talk about a whole other world! That's what this site exposed me to, and I was loving every bit of it. So I read, read, and read some more. I researched everything I could about caring for natural hair, what products to use, how to retain length, etc. You name it, I was looking it up. the more I researched, the more I fell in love with the idea of changing up my hair! I mean, this wasn't just about changing my look, it was about embracing myself for who I truly am and loving me just as I am. So I waited about two months and did the BIG CHOP!!!! Dramatic I know, right! When it was all said and done, I had less than one inch of hair and I loved it!
Now having a head full of natural hair is quite the experience. Especially when you've learned over the years how to care for and style your permed hair. I mean, I had this thing down to an art! And here I go and cut off all my perm, now I have to learn my hair all over again. The first thing I learned was that my hair is not as coarse as I thought it was. I also learned that it frizzes on top but has nothing but coils underneath the frizz. The next thing I learned was that I had about 3 different textures of hair, now how the heck am I supposed to work with that! Trial and error, my dear, trial and error is the only way to make it through! Going natural was the best thing I ever did and I swear I am in love with my hair.
I bet your wondering how the man brought me to this point.....well, it was the experience of it all that brought me here. He was the starting point and although he only lasted a season, I believe his true reason was to show me that I was headed in the wrong direction and that it was time to choose a new path. The relationship brought me to a crossroads in my life and made me choose a new direction. The start of that new direction was becoming one with my spirit, and then making changes accordingly. The first change was my hair. The change in my hair exposed me to thoughts and ideas about life that I never considered before. Of course, after the hair, came the break up. About a year later, I packed my stuff, and I left. No guilt, no hurt, no hard feelings. Just freedom.
Some would say that I went natural because I was going through some life crisis, but the truth is, changing my hair was a symbol that I was changing. It represents me at my best: raw, fragile, growing, and learning. This is where I am at in my life. I'm learning a new way to live. I cut my hair and I let go of the past. I let go of the hurt and grief that I have spent so much time identifying with. I'm learning how to love and do it unconditionally without expecting something in return. I'm learning who I am all over again. I learning how to let go of the expectations and do what will make me truly happy. If I could find my soul mate, trade in the work clothes for comfortable, worn jeans and vintage tee's, have a houseful of kids, and write, I would be in bliss! All I need is my family, my jeans, good music, good food, love, and a place to enjoy it all! Simplicity and content. That's what I'm looking for. That's what my soul is searching for. I am self discovering, and like I said, that road is bumpy as hell, but I get it now, and I'm going to ride it out like a champ! I'm still growing and learning, but I'm becoming a better person, and I love it. I'm finding out what I truly need and desire. It don't get much better than that. So once I get comfortable in my journey, then will come the locs. To me, it represents commitment, simplicity, and content. That's the big idea, right?
And those are just some of my thoughts,
AdVintage Star
No comments:
Post a Comment