Peace to you all! Okay, so no one follows my blog. Whatever, it's my emotional outlet, so I have it for me. It kinda sucks that no one is interested in what I have to say, but, whatever! So a lot of things have happened, and my life journey continues to be a struggle, but I am ok with that. But my best discovery has been that I LOVE ME MORE. I mean, do I really need to go deeper than that? This relationship I have been dealing with over the past year or so is finally to a point where I have put myself first. I cannot allow myself to be hurt, or to give my best to something that I have no committment from. I LOVE ME MORE. I guess we are trying to work on the relationship, but I am really trying to make myself better. Not for him, but for me. He may reap the benefits of that, he may not. That's up to him. He will choose how much of me he receives by way of his own actions. He still would like me to move to ATL to be with him, but that will not happen anytime soon. We can't even go longer then a week without arguing over nothing, I have no ring or committment, so that is not a move I am willing to make. However, I may end up in Georgia anyway because I am applying to graduate school there. I really want to get into University of Georgia, which is in Athens. I am willing to make the move for me, but not for him. I LOVE ME MORE! And speaking of grad school.......
I'M TERRIFIED! I hold so much fear about moving on and forward. Why? I have no idea. I desire it so much, but I am scared to death that I will actually get in and have to do it. What is wrong with me? Who fears success? I do! But my desire to love me more is overcoming that fear. I have to do better for me and for my son. Plus, I have reached a stand still in my career, so I have to move forward. Who knows what will happen. If this is God's destiny for me, then it will happen and who knows what will happen from there. I have seen the vision, now I am ready to travel the road. I'm scared, but I am putting it in God's hands. I want my so called relationship to work, but I LOVE ME MORE.....so I have to do what's best for me. If he's in it for me, loves me like he says he does, then he will support me and stick it out. That remains to be seen, but I can't worry about it. I have to do me. I LOVE ME MORE.......so I have to treat myself well. If I don't, who will. My life is changing as you all see, and I am enduring this change. But now that I know that I have to LOVE ME MORE........I can put my head up, drive forward, and take what comes my way. Rejection is a part of life, and I can't be scared of it. If the answer is no, then I have to know that it wasn't meant for me and that that no is leaving the door open for my YES! I LOVE ME MORE! And that's all that matters. What will be, will be. Period.
And those are just some of my thoughts.......
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