Peace to you all! From the inside out is what I'll title this. I know it's been a while, but geesh, I did not want to involve you in the drama that has become my life! Long story short.....I'm suffering from a broken heart. My emotions have been all over the place, and this healing process is harder then I ever could have anticipated. I guess this person I am trying to live without was someone pretty special. I mean I loved every part of thier being....unconditionally. And now I am in a state of uncertainty. I'm uncertain of myself and am second guessing every quality I ever thought I possessed and wondering if I just wasn't good enough. Hurts like hell is all I can say! Difficult to move on from, so I've decided that in order to get over this thing is to except it for what it is, and focus on me. Focus on all the changes I have wanted to make and just go for it. See, I figure, if I channel my energy into me, well, I'll end up being a better me and this uncertainty will go away. I fully intend to deal with my emotions in the process, but I have to use them as fuel or else they will consume me!
I figure, if I can change from the inside out....nothing or no one can make me feel this way again! The change on the inside has to do with my spirituality and my relationship with God. I'm not spiritually fit an so I need to work on that, immediately! I am also not physically fit. I'm down right fat, and I'm tired of it. So I choose to use the brain I was blessed with and put it to good use figuring out how to best make myself healthy and fit! I have about 45lbs I could stand to lose. So not only will I lose it, but I'm going to do my best to look my best! That means I have to make some lifestyle changes. I need to get obsessed with healthy eating and exercise! This means everyday I have to struggle with my flesh to make the right decision concerning my body.
I also need to grow. I am learning that my mouth gets me in trouble, so I am practicing being quiet. I want to speak when I shouldn't. I get angry and I want to use my words to hurt. Well I am learning that there is way too much power in the tongue and I need to know when to be quiet. Quietness is also what is going to help me through this healing period. I have my diary to express my feelings in, no need to say them at this point in time. I'm not ready to verbalize my feelings. I need to first learn how to be quiet through this time of emotional turmoil. So far, my speaking to how I feel has pushed this person further away. Truth is, they pushed me away a long time ago, but now I am not helping the situation. If this person wanted us to have a different relationship, they would do what is necessary for it to change for the better. They chose not to, so there is nothing left to say. I am struggling with that, but I have excepted it. I am learning to recognize that sometimes it's best to just be quiet and walk away! LORD HELP ME ON THIS LESSON!!
And those are just some of my thoughts......
AdVintage Star
